Sometimes when you are gay, you are isolated, there are no mentors to guide you what is right and what is wrong. You have to tread carefully and move forward. With all the experience that I have gained so far, I would have to see what is gonna work and what doesn't.
A few things that I would want to tell my younger self if I were to meet him.
1) They are as scared as you are -
I remember the days when I used to ask a hundred questions before I share my photos. I was worried that I would be blackmailed, that I would be raped, and that the guys would kidnap and sell me off. Yes, all this does happen. There are many who are really evil, but as time went, I realized that most of the guys are just helpless and are scared themselves. There are many married men who live a double life, there are famous men, who don't want to come out, there are young boys who are going through the same as you. In fact, some of them are more closed than you are!
2) You would be rejected -
Rejection is a part and parcel of life, whether be straight or Gay. Even if you strive to look the best and be the best, you are still going to be rejected, because you might just not be the type. With guys and girls, its pretty easy, but for gay men, your orientation and sexuality would be fleeting, and beyond that comes the type. There are gonna be buff bottoms. twinkie tops and short tops who like fuck tall guys, and what not, its completely relative, and its far away from all kinds of hetero normative standards, so you may be rejected just because you are "too fair" or "too cute" or even "Not Masc"
3) You are hopelessly gonna fall for a straight guy -
All gay men have a weakness with straight men. Simply because we love men, and they are men. Its very natural. Sometimes when you hang out with the straight lot, you end up falling for that buff guy who is sweet to you, that asshole who irritates you, that shy boy who got heartbroken by s girl. You'll end up falling for a couple of them. You;ll end up feeling miserable when they get a girlfriend, and when they get settled down, when you realize that he is married, when you realize that he thinks of you like a brother. When you realize that he was nice to you, cose he is a nice person and not because he likes you more. We all wish that they were Gay, but they simply are not!
4) You are going to end up having more sex than you imagined -
The Gay world is full of sex driven male, who want to finish their business and head home, and those who want to settle down are not the ones you would imagine settling down with. After a few guys, you start to see that you can have some harmless fun, and leave the real sex to someone you are connected to, since its gonna take a looong time, you might as well have healthy sex with a few more guys. As time goes, you see that every man makes love a different way, and that you may enjoy it even educationally, the dos and donts, the limits you pose to yourself, the limits others have and how it affects your attraction towards them.
5) Gay Men world over are either fully out or fully closed, and you may never be ready to be open -
When you are out as gay, there might be this huge barrier that is off of you, and they go all out with the "pride", but the ones you are the most scared, is to become that way, and when the people around you expect you to be like that, you rather not open up as that is not the lifestyle you would want to have! So you restrict yourself to occasional porn, discreet sex and chats, while deep down you want to dive in, but afraid that you cant go back, and its okay.
6) People are gonna speculate about your sexuality -
There are times when you inadvertently are going to give away few times, with the lack of girls in your life (especially when you are a good looking guy), with the way you look at some guys, with how your facebook is full of guys commenting about your looks, with just the vibe you give off, and even if not for them, you always live with the awkwardness that comes with it. You end up either giving it away or through over compensation. Which means you'll get busted either if you don't try or try too hard!
7) You are going to get approached a lot - but you'll end up being alone anyway
Gay world is full of men, who approach you even if they are waaay below your standards. sometimes you wonder how they are so confident to approach you. In fact, The good looking ones are a bit less confident compared to the ones who are average. The Good looking ones would already be overwhelmed by the number of guys who approach you that they would simply not want anyone.
8) Looks and personality are two different things -
You'll fall for a lot of people who have the looks, but then when you move closer you would realize that they are kinda not the type for you. You may see that sometimes, those who aren't very good looking would be more attractive and that the good looking ones with six packs and muscles are such a pain in the ass!
For more personal experiences, and advices: beingclosetedindiangay.blogspot.com
For more informative posts in Tamil: envijay.blogspot.com
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